


nobody deserves to disappear.

by puddings (kisa_kun)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Suicide Attempt, Ficlet, Gen, Hospitals, Suicide Attempt, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25664467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisa_kun/pseuds/puddings
Summary: Rei makes a failed attempt at suicide, and Ritsu is there when he wakes up.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	nobody deserves to disappear.

"I'm sorry," had been the first thing out of either of their mouths. 

  
They had looked at each other in some form of shock at this revelation, as though utterly confused by the other's apology. For, truly, in their own minds- what did the other have to apologize for? 

  
Rei shook his head, tired, saying, "No, Ritsu, I'm the one who fucked up," and Ritsu cut him off with a harsh "Shut up." Rei opened his mouth as though to speak once more, and Ritsu looked about ready to break. "Shut up." Rei went silent. 

  
"You," the younger began, voice tight as he intook a shaky breath. "You didn't fuck up. You were in pain. You were hurting, anija," his voice started out quiet, but as he spoke, it grew louder. More confident in what he was saying. "You were hurting so much you only saw one way out of it. That's nothing to say sorry for. You were in pain, and I- _we_ couldn't see that, none of us could, and we kept pushing and pushing until you reached the brink." 

  
Rei stayed silent as Ritsu paused, taking in a slow, even breath as he seemed to be calming himself through his own words, even as Rei could see the shimmer of unshed tears in his red eyes. Ritsu blinked heavily, in a way that was certainly to keep the tears back. "And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like that, that I wasn't here to help pick up the pieces when you broke. I'm so sorry for every hurtful word, for every harsh stare, for every push and shove away from me. I'm so sorry." Another pause, and Rei knew he wasn't done. 

  
"I wish I could tell you how much I love you, anija. I love you more than I can put into words. Even when we're apart, even when we're not exchanging the words we really should be, even when I'm pretending like I hate your guts. I love you. I'd never want you hurting like this, and I'd never want you six feet under in the grave," Ritsu's voice cracked and the tears began to fall. 

  
Rei reached out, paused, then extended his hand fully to rest on one of Ritsu's that were folded on the side of the hospital bed. Ritsu tensed, and Rei made to pull back, but then,- but then.. Ritsu grabbed his hand in his own, and held it, squeezing as though his life may depend on it. 

  
The two sat there for a long time, in silence, as Ritsu cried softly and Rei held his hand in his own. They knew it wasn't over. This conversation wouldn't be over for a long time. But it was a start. 

  
That was what mattered. 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah ok so. my older sister tried to commit suicide 2 days ago. this was a vent fic i wrote in 30 minutes or less at around 2 AM to kind of begin to process some of my feelings around it. anyways yeah its not very good, but i hope u enjoyed reading it at least a little bit. thanks <3 
> 
> also yes the title is from DEH i love it sue me


End file.
